About Me

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Concord, California, United States
I am a sometimes-writer, everyday mama, creative failure and experimental cook. I am interested in living a beautiful life, spending time with my family and making things that I can feel proud of. When I'm by myself I'm usually outside. Don't bother calling because chances are that I didn't bring my cell phone because I couldn't find it. If you see me walking, it's because I lost my keys and if you see me with only one child... I'm probably in big trouble.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Another Difficult Morning... prelude to a peaceful weekend

Poor Bun, her days are getting easier but her mornings are still difficult. This morning she was particularly tearful and she stood at the gate begging not to go into school.

I wish that I knew what was wrong. I wish that I could give her just a teaspoon of Lila's confidence (god knows that there's enough to spare.) I worry that Lila is sometimes forgotten. It's always been this way. She's so confident and self-serving that she's often not given as much attention as Bunny is. This morning, I can't remember if I even said good-bye to Lila before she walked into school. I was so preoccupied with Bunny's tears and insecurity, that I forget to congratulate and support Lila. I'm a crappy mom.

I am regularly awed by how different my children are from each other.

We have some fun plans for the weekend, which I hope will make life a little better for the girls. Jay and I are going out for dinner at the White Dog Cafe tonight and trying out our new babysitter from sitter city. Then, tomorrow at noon we have reservations to tour the Magic Gardens in Philadelphia... which is a potential birthday party site for Bunny. We purchased our tickets via groupon. Groupon is the best thing that has happened to my day-to-day life in years. On Sunday we're making granola to share with Bunny's class and staying in. I will contact Lila's teacher next week about doing something for her class too. I don't know that I could possibly make enough granola for two classrooms of kids in one day without breaking the bank. We're going to have a restful day in preparation for the week of school and later nights (committee meeting and back to school night).

Since I'm totally content with my weight and done losing, I've been slowly adding a lot of food back to my diet. For the most part I'm keeping it gluten free, but where I was really avoiding carbohydrates, I'm including them in my meals more often now. Also, I've noticed that I'm hungrier than I normally am, which I attribute to the seasons. Today, I went to put on my skinny jeans from the GAP that were pretty skinny when I got them a few months ago and fit fine a week or so ago. They are so big that I can barely keep them up. I got on the scale and wasn't that surprised to see that I've lost a few more pounds. I guess it makes sense because I've been walking so much. I thought that the extra calories and carbohydrates would balance with the extra exercise so that I could perfectly maintain my weight... but I guess not. My thought is that if I'm not trying to lose weight, am eating what I want and being healthy, but still losing a bit... my body probably just hasn't' reached it's natural place yet. It's interesting.

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