About Me

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Concord, California, United States
I am a sometimes-writer, everyday mama, creative failure and experimental cook. I am interested in living a beautiful life, spending time with my family and making things that I can feel proud of. When I'm by myself I'm usually outside. Don't bother calling because chances are that I didn't bring my cell phone because I couldn't find it. If you see me walking, it's because I lost my keys and if you see me with only one child... I'm probably in big trouble.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Armed and Dangerous

I had a really terrible day yesterday.

I was convinced that I'd been bitten again, which may or may not be my imagination. I spent most of the day crying, not sure how to get through this, incredibly depressed, hopeless, scared and miserable. I considered running away and I considered going to a mental hospital.

This morning I stripped the mattresses of their bedding. Got everything in the wash. put the cats in the basement and the dog in the bathroom and proceeded to spray and sprinkle bug killers all over our bedrooms.

I called the exterminator to find out if I was doing everything correctly and she said that we should be fine. She also said that we should consider holding off on furniture until we know that we are bed bug free. Jay doesn't want to do this. Our girls have had their lives turned upside down and we'd both like to create some sort of normal home for them again. Thoughts like this are the thoughts that make me need professional help. I can't believe that we've been stripped of all of our belongings. I can't believe that my children have such an unstable life because of these bugs.

I just don't know how I can make it through this.


  1. Are you sure the girls are feeling terrified? Put on a brave face, girl! Is there anything -- anything at all -- about this that you can turn into laughter or adventure for them? If you can, even in small ways, do that, you'll have a much better way of dealing with all of this. You have to accept you can only do so much.

    I don't mean to sound insensitive though, just trying to encourage. I would be freaking out. When we moved into our old apartment we dealt with little baby cockroaches that arrived in a newly installed appliance believe it or not. The new kitchen appliances went from a major score to OMG get me out of here. They just wouldn't go away for the longest time for all of the factors that go along with extermination and living in close quarters with other buildings. Finally they were gone but I still saw them out of the corner of my eye (I thought) every day. So I do understand at least a litte. I was on the edge for about a month after the tiny invasion and I can't imagine if we had bed bugs.

    I talked to Rory about my email to you and he's on board. I wish we had some furniture to throw your way as a transition.

  2. That's weird. I commented back to you and it's not here.

    Mysteries of the internet!

    I don't think that you're being insensitive. I'm the mom. I've got two little kids to take care of and to make sure aren't scarred by this. I have had some bad moment with the girls in the days since we discovered our bed bugs. I've been snappy, I've cried, I've had trouble concentrating on the things that people say to me. But I've tried to pull it together over the last couple of days.

    I feel really uncomfortable with the fact that I slathered my house in pestisides today... and at the same time I feel like I didn't do enough.

    I am convinced that they are here... but I don't know why. I think that I might just be scared. My bites still itch and bother me. I'm petrified of having a full out epidemic and I feel unsafe in my home.

    We'll get furniture. No worries. If we have no furniture and no bedbugs... it will all be worth it. But if we have no furniture and we still have bedbugs... I might die.

  3. On a related note I visited an apartment the other night that has no pets and is very clean and came away with flea bites. How does that happen?!

    Hopefully post-modern minimalism will conquer this.

  4. Ha!

    Emily, how IS that possible? Our pets got fleas just after moving to Philly. It was so awful (though nothing compared to this). None of us were ever bitten by them and I actually didn't know that they bit people at all.

    A mom at our school mentioned to me that she was thinking about our situation and thinking that it might feel sort of refreshing to just abandon all of your possessions and live completely minimally.

    If it weren't forced, she might be right. I think that "getting rid of" isn't as bad as the being bitten.