Happiness

I realized yesterday that I am happier in my every day life than I have ever been.

I am sure that this has something to do with feeling comfortable with my surroundings and the weather certainly doesn't hurt, but it's more than that.

I feel pretty good about myself.  And I am, for the first time that I can remember, truly enjoying my life.  Yesterday, we did nothing.  I worked outside in the yard while the girls ran through the hose and played with their barbies in the back yard.  Jay was online, taking a coding class and life was totally normal and the waters were calm.  But I wasn't bored.  I felt rich and fulfilled.  I felt like I didn't want any more than I had and I wasn't longing for excitement or a getaway and I didn't need to talk to anyone who wasn't in the room with me.  I laid in bed with my girls last night, each of us reading our separate books quietly, and thought, I HAVE ARRIVED.  I always thought that I couldn't arrive until I had an in ground swimming pool, but I was really selling myself short.  Here I am.  I have found my joy.

I am taking a moment to really soak it in and enjoy it.  To realize it's happening so that it's not something that I look back on and wish that I had appreciated more.

Right this second, I am truly happy.

Life is not without obstacles.  We have our share of tough days, but something has changed.  I do declare, I think that I am becoming comfortable in my skin.

In my quest to lose weight (which is contributing to a healthier self esteem) I stopped drinking alcohol regularly.  Now, I'm not going to go crazy and say that I didn't indulge in a bit of skinny girl margarita for Cinco de mayo, but previously I had been having a few glasses of wine each night.   Since giving up wine, I've started to feel a little more present in my life.  Sitting down with Jay at the end of the day and watching a tv show and having a glass of wine is one of my favorite things.  It's an easy way to relax and helps me sleep too!  But, since giving it up I've been reading more and watching less tv.  I have more energy.  My sleep is a better quality.  I just feel healthier and happier.  I feel GOOD!

As a matter of fact, I feel good about most things.  I feel good about both of my children and their grades and their choices.  I have noticed Lila's talents blossoming and Bunny has been standing up for herself where she used to let other kids walk all over her. I feel good about my husband and my marriage.  I love spending time with Jay and am excited to see how our coffee bean project turns out and have just been having a great time hanging out lately.  I feel purposeful in my life.  I feel good about the people I've built and maintained friendships with.  I feel like I have a lot of love to give and like I get a lot of love in return.

I think what I feel the most is grateful.

After a tough and stressful few years, I am incredibly grateful to have arrived at this place.

And now I'm going to pray that because I'm here something terrible doesn't happen.  This is usually when my car breaks down or my ankle gets broken.  lol.