About Me

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Concord, California, United States
I am a sometimes-writer, everyday mama, creative failure and experimental cook. I am interested in living a beautiful life, spending time with my family and making things that I can feel proud of. When I'm by myself I'm usually outside. Don't bother calling because chances are that I didn't bring my cell phone because I couldn't find it. If you see me walking, it's because I lost my keys and if you see me with only one child... I'm probably in big trouble.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Happy Father's Day, Jay Holler!

Jay and I were immediately in love.  We entirely skipped that awkward, nervous stage of dating when you are scared to tell someone how strongly you feel about them for fear of scaring them away.  We were both honest about who we were, what we wanted and what we didn't want from day one and without fear of rejection.  On the night of our first kiss we both proclaimed that we knew, with certainty, that we had found our person and we were both equally, entirely done seeking someone for the rest of our lives.  And I suppose that was good because three months later, just days after Jay's 25th birthday, I learned that I was pregnant with our first child.  Six month after that first kiss we were married and just one year after that kiss we were the parents of a 7lb, 13 oz baby girl.  Seven months after Bunny was born I learned that I was pregnant again.  I do not know what made us think that we were ready to create a family at record speed, but with tons of support from our own families, we dove into parenthood head first, swam to the surface of the water and somehow managed to stay alive and to stay together and to grow and change and strengthen as one little group of people who loved each other beyond anyone else and supported each other consummately.

I barely remember what my husband was like before he was a father.  Being a Dad is as much of who he is as is being a musician.  It is as natural as breathing. When I try to think about the kind of father Jay is or the changes that have happened within him since becoming a Dad I stumble a bit.  I don't have a point of reference to create contrast.

What I can say is that Jay is the sort of Dad who plays.  He is the Dad who takes off of work for parent/teacher conference, school plays, ice cream Sunday parties in the classroom and Dentist appointments.  He is the Dad who helps with homework, explains ludicrous math that is already beyond my comprehension, checks every problem and sits at the table until they fully understand it.  He isn't afraid to sit down and have tough conversations about uncomfortable things, calmly and openly with our girls. He goes to the park (I HATE going to the park) and will stay there for infinite amounts of time.  He is the Dad who doesn't really want to go anywhere if his family isn't invited.  No matter what the party is or who will be there, I can pretty much guarantee you that my husband would rather be at home with us, tucking the kids in, eating a grilled dinner and having snarky conversations in bed.  No matter how many times I tell him that it's okay to go out and see a show with his friends from time to time, he assures me that he'd rather be at home.   And after 9 years together, I believe him.

It gives me such comfort to know that my girls have a positive example of what a relationship is and a father who isn't too afraid or too busy with something else to make them his priority.  I feel like my girls will grow up feeling important and valued instead of like some sort of obligation that their father is fulfilling, which is something that I see a lot in the world.  (I hate writing things like that because my friends read it and think that I mean them.  So, for the record, if you are my friend, no, I don't mean you or your family).  Our children will better process conflict, have better self esteem and higher standards for relationships because of the example set before them.  I work very hard at being a good mother, but that only goes so far.  I am proud of Jay and I feel luckier than I could ever express to have him as a husband and father to my two little girls.

I have said it before, and I'll say it again, but we really hit the jackpot with you Jay Holler!


  1. Thank you!!! It's easy when everyone I love is so great!

  2. Aw, this is such a precious post. I didn't realize everything happened so fast with you and Jay. What a great story and what a keeper he is!