About Me

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Concord, California, United States
I am a sometimes-writer, everyday mama, creative failure and experimental cook. I am interested in living a beautiful life, spending time with my family and making things that I can feel proud of. When I'm by myself I'm usually outside. Don't bother calling because chances are that I didn't bring my cell phone because I couldn't find it. If you see me walking, it's because I lost my keys and if you see me with only one child... I'm probably in big trouble.

Friday, April 27, 2012

To The Little Bastard Who Is Eating My Summer Squash

Dear Squirrel or Bird or Rat or Cat Who Is Eating My Squash Leaves At Night,

There is a large tree, plentiful with rich, juicy, sweet oranges out back.   Help yourself!  Invite your friends.  Have a party.  Feast on citrus!  I promise to never bother you and will always sweep up the scraps of your half eaten oranges and gutted peels.  I will even keep Sherbert inside each night so that you can have an entirely uninterrupted meal as often as you'd like!

So, watch your carbs in someone else's yard and stay AWAY from my peppers and squash.

I am serious about this you little M$T%&R F$!@^*S.

With the utmost respect,

Anna Holler


  1. I doubt it is any of the pests you expect.

    Here's what you do: get some lids - mayonnaise lids are perfect, though many other types will do. Put them in your garden, and push them in until the lip of the lid is even with the soil.

    Fill them with beer. Good beer if you're going to drink it - cheap beer if you're going to pour the leftovers out.

    Get a good nights sleep.

    The next day, the lids will probably be full of dead slugs - which are probably what is eating your leaves.

  2. Mathew! WE DO have slugs. I have seen them but thought they were harmless.

  3. Slugs are ravenous garden munchers - I'm honestly surprised they didn't eat your seedlings already!