For the past few years Facebook has had a monopoly on my free time. Connecting, rekindling, easy access to photographs and shared memories can be a dream to a woman who has moved around the globe, making great friends and falling away from many beloved people.
But as times goes on I feel these online relationships thinning out. Unless they root themselves in friendship, most relationships fall just shy of friendship but are often demanding and time consuming. Online debates or a political disagreement can leave you feeling defeated and wondering why you read a newsfeed. Or a compliment from an old high school buddy can make you feel kindred again, only to later realize that she voted for Bush or eats veal every Saturday night while smoking in front of her 2 year old and fiddling with the trigger of a loaded shotgun. And of course, you feel like you never even knew her until you realize that when you knew her... you didn't know her. Finally you realize that all of the time you have wasted worrying about high school friend #178 could have been spent talking to your husband about an issue he had at work or telling him about something interesting that you learned from an actual book that is made out of actual paper that you read with your actual eyes on your actual couch. Or you could be knitting or making a craft with your children or hiking on a mountain without any cell reception!
Today I decided to disable Facebook and delete the ap from both my iPad and iPhone. I did this hesitantly and with fear of losing some sort of relevance socially! But I remembered that the friends I have who are actually my friends will send emails and make phone calls and keep up with my blog. I won't have hours each day sucked away by conversations between people who I don't know or be adversely impacted by being friended by someone who I don't want to keep up with or unfriended by someone I really liked (true rejection heh)! I will have more time for my blog which is an outlet for something that I truly enjoy! WRITING!
What surprised me was that after disabling the account and deleting the aps I felt a sense of freedom. I feel bizarrely and unexpectedly liberated and I have to admit, it feels good! :)
although i am a little sad to not get an easy Holler fix, i think it will motivate me at least to actually email and stay in touch directly better. hopefully. i understand the motivation. for me, it is ease of updating to lots of people at once. which, thinking about it, is not necessarily a good thing. i'd rather tell the 10 or so people i really want to tell about it in a one on one way. but then there the other 20 people i would like to know about it but don't care that much if they know who also read those things and we will be out of each others' loops again entirely. so good and bad in my mind. =)
ReplyDeleteHey Anthony, I totally hear you. I began to feel this way after moving. I think that I want to be motivated to stay in touch more closely and mindfully with the people who I care about. I realized that I never get email anymore. I never send email any more. I just read status updates and say things like, "well, I guess you probably saw on my Facebook," instead of telling people things. I understand why Facebook works for people. It worked for me for a long time. I just misused it and let it get a little out of control. I became one of those people who was on Facebook instead of having real friendships with people... and it just started to make me feel lonely (though I was more connected than ever).
ReplyDeleteI completely understand why you made the decision you did. I am your friend no matter how many miles are between us. Now I guess I'm going to have to stalk your blog!!! I have to admit when I do not sign on fb I feel as though I am missing something. Strange but true. I will always support any decision you make. True friends are hard to find. xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteHey Sass. You and I are friends no matter what. Maybe now we'll have more phone calls. I miss you!!!!!!! xoxo
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