Today was the first day of school, sort of. It was strange. Monday is always mass day at school. It starts at 8:30. School usually begins at 8 AM and then the kids go over to the church. Today the parents brought the kids directly to mass. Then we sat through it (always awkward for the non-catholics who have no clue what is happening) and finally the kids were called to their classrooms for an hour. The parents hopped over to the Hall for a breakfast and a meet and greet held by the PTO.
Before I go on, I have to tell you that I was completely overcome by emotion when they called Lila to the second grade class and to my horror... I began to cry. Like, weep.
I guess that even though I spend every day with the girls, at that moment I had the realization (I am slow, apparently) that Lila has grown up too quickly. Somehow, her baby and toddler and small child time has slipped through my fingers and I missed it. I have always heard people say that they blinked and their children were all grown up... Doesn't that just sound like such a load of crap? Parents are overworked and under-appreciated and those toddler years can drrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggg. I certainly do not envy anyone with small children because it feels to me like dues that I have paid. And yet, here I am, mourning the loss of those little girls who used to cling to me for dear life on the first day of school. I feel like I'm losing them in slow motion and it sucks.
In other bad day events, I had to attend the breakfast for the parents. If you don't know me in real life (or if you are someone who loves me very much) it might surprise you to learn that I am a huge asshole. I have THE WORST social anxiety on the planet. Groups of people stress me out and make my mind race. I am incapable of making it through a conversation with someone who I am uncomfortable with (all people who I don't know) without saying something horribly offensive. There are only two people at the school who I am comfortable with. When I am uncomfortable, I become helpless to the terrible things that come out of my mouth. I am the most offensive person in the world. For instance, I complimented someone on her new haircut and she told me that she was due for a trim and I told her that it looked like she had wings. OOOOOOOOORRRRRRR how about the fact that I told another mom who had just moved to the area for her crazily-awesome job that my children are adjusting well to moving because I'm a stay at home mom and at least I'm at home with them. Just so you know, I don't think that and it's about the worst thing that I could have said. Yep. I also made fun of this poor woman's job repeatedly in the conversation.
I am a train wreck and everyone hates me.
And that is how I am doing today.
Awww.....for what it's worth, your post made me chuckle. :) I've never found you offensive or an asshole. I love you just the way you are. :) Sometimes I feel like I'm the worst parent ever because I never cried when my kids started school. In fact, I was ecstatic! Not to get them out of the house but because I loved school so much as a kid and I was so excited about all the homework and finished work they'd be bringing home...along with stuff I could put on my fridge.
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