Bunny's recent woes (which are pretty much wee's now), have brought it to my attention that she has some real self-esteem issues. She's expressed to me that she's shy because she believes that if she tells people about the things that she likes that they'll ultimately reject her. She also feels less valuable than other people. For a child who lives in a loving house and has always been cared for, nurtured and supported... I just don't understand. I'm doing a couple of things. I am first, taking her to a holistic doctor to speak about pediatric depression. I emphasize the holistic part because there's no chance in Hell it's unlikely that I'd medicate Bunny.
One thing that Bunny has always wanted to do but that we've never honored is to attend a church regularly. She prays every day and speaks about God as a believer... which is sort of amazing considering that her father is an Atheist and her mother is a Me. She even feels sorry for us and lectures us about God. When she broke her arm the hospital paperwork-people asked if we have a preferred religion that we'd like for them to document in her file. When I said that we don't practice a religion Bunny corrected me and told him that she "believes in God."
Even though I don't know where I stand and Jay thinks that it's all a pack of lies and that we're teaching our child something false... I've decided to take Bunny to church. I think that she deserves something that is hers. She should be able to follow an interest that she has... even if it is different than what Jay and I believe. Further, there's nothing bad that can come out of going to church. I love communities and I received a recommendation about a church in Philadelphia that is warm, safe and seems good for people like me (read: people who aren't necessarily Christian but who aren't really anything else either... but for whatever reason need a church to go to).
The church is called Circle of Hope. I was speaking with one of the mom's at ICS about it. She said that several children at the school attend school there and recommended that we go to the 5 o'clock meeting on Sunday. There's a lot that happens for children at that meeting and she thought it would be a good way to get a feel for if this is a good fit for us.
I am so scared.
