About Me

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Concord, California, United States
I am a sometimes-writer, everyday mama, creative failure and experimental cook. I am interested in living a beautiful life, spending time with my family and making things that I can feel proud of. When I'm by myself I'm usually outside. Don't bother calling because chances are that I didn't bring my cell phone because I couldn't find it. If you see me walking, it's because I lost my keys and if you see me with only one child... I'm probably in big trouble.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Cabo San Lucas

We have decided to go to Cabo San Lucas for our upcoming 10 year wedding anniversary.

I feel like we've been speculating about our travel plans for this anniversary for at least a year.  First we thought that we'd go to Ireland, but after almost moving there and spending a week there in February, it didn't seem like such an exciting idea.

Then we thought Key West, but we've been there together before.  We considered Eugene, Oregon, which is one of our favorite places on earth, and we also thought about camping old school at Big Sur.  Jay and I used to love camping alone.  We still love camping, but when we used to go we had nothing but a tent, a candle and two pb&j's.  Now, we have kids and dogs, 43 blankets, every pillow we own, a camping grill, food for 14 days (even on an overnight trip), our own firewood, bottles of wine, 17 changes of clothes etc...

We have decided to go to Cabo San Lucas.  Jay really surprised me by booking the trip after a friend from our school told us that it was her favorite place on earth.

The trip feels a little bit extravagant to me, but as my husband reminded me, 10 years is a long time.

...and I can't help but allow the happiness in the longevity of my marriage be soured by thinking, especially when most people said that we wouldn't last one year.   I feel like such a negative Nelly even admitting it, but sometimes I really struggle to disassociate the beginning of my marriage from the lack of support and abundance of unkindness that I experienced at that time in my life.  

When I look back at the year I got married it is more of a sad time for me than a happy one.  Of course, this has nothing to do with my husband, and though I can only speak for myself, I love Jay more now than ever.  I really feel like he knows me (ugly parts and all) and loves and accepts me for who I am.  Every couple has their moments, but I feel fulfilled and supported by my marriage.  And I feel lucky and appreciative too.

Sometimes I wish that I could just erase the memories I have that keep a rain cloud over those early days of marriage and parenting.  I wish that I could just select to delete entire people from my past.

It's amazing how some people can hurt you so deeply that you still reflect on them sadly a decade later.

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