The Homestretch

I am wildly, emphatically, gleefully and eagerly counting down the hours to the last day of school, probably even more so than my children are.

Summer vacation, I can practically taste you.  And you are sweet like watermelon.

Here's what I want to do:  NOTHING for at least 2 weeks.

I want to live in my swimsuit and flip flops, read books and have lazy, lazy, lazy days by the pool.

I want to do so little, that by the end of August we are all bored out of our skulls and can't wait to get back to the chaos and over-scheduling that seems to pin us down every fall and hold us in place until the beginning of June.  I want to get some rest and recharge my batteries.

I want my kids to be outside, playing and using their imaginations and bodies.  I want them to live in their swimsuits and to get muddy and to come home at night feeling like they've adventured and had whole days with no where they had to be.  I want to ride bikes, camp, toast marshmallows and sit on the beach.  We are going to spend two weeks in Naples with my parents and I am really looking forward to being at a beach where you can swim.  The Gulf is as warm as bath water and you can be over your head and still see shells on the sand clearly.  Some people do not like Florida in the summer time, but I think that they are nuts!  I love it.

Lately, life has been work, work, work, drama with the kids, work, work, work, work.  I am rushing from one place and get there late, only to rush to my next place and arrive late.  I am WAY too busy for my own good.  This week was especially taxing and emotional because, out of nowhere, Lila began experiencing (what I can only describe as) separation anxiety.  She has not had this happen since pre-school, and even then it did not last more than a few days.  This entire week was drenched in tears, unfounded fear and anxiety for Lila.  I had to take her out of school one day, meet with her teacher over and over, see the pediatrician and meet with the principal of the school. Also, I needed to be present in the school for most of the day, a few times this week.  I had to take her out for lunch and sit with her at recess.

It had me wondering, am I doing more harm by being present?

But I'm glad that I did it.  When I would show up for lunch and recess I tried not to hover too much.  I just sort of sat there, so that Lila knew that I had kept my word and feel comforted by my presence, but I did not get involved with her conversations or games.  At first she was very clingy, but by Friday she couldn't have cared less that I was there.  So, I guess that I did the right thing on this particular occasion.

Being a parent can be so tricky.  My instinct was to swoop in, grab my daughter and tell the school that they should send her work home to me for the rest of the year and that I will do it there with her and turn it in.  But, I think doing that, in this case, would have taught her avoidance and escapism.  So, I knew that there must be a middle ground.  There must be a way to help her feel supported and comforted, while still teaching her to work through her anxiety and fear.  This time, this worked.  We got through the week.  I am hopeful that next week will be better and that the following week will be celebratory!  Then the school year is over.  7 more days!  It's the homestretch.

I can't help but wonder what amount of this anxiety is about the change of NOT moving?  Lila is almost 8 years old and this is the longest that we've lived in a house since she was 2.  This is the longest that she has been at one school.  This is the most relationship development that she's ever had with people outside of her family.  I know that a month or so ago I looked around my house and freaked out a little bit.  The yard needs more maintenance that we've given it.  We have an accumulation of "stuff" that we need to toss... like school papers and cards and the house needed a closet cleaning and reorganization.  My initial thought was, "we really need to move soon."  Because every year for the past 4 years we've moved before we even had the opportunity to completely unpack.  But this time we are not moving.  We are staying in our rental house until we are ready to buy a house of our own.  And we probably won't do that that until Twitter goes public.  So, it could be awhile.  For the first time ever, we are settling in.  And I am wondering if some of that adjustment will be uncomfortable in its unfamiliarity.

Naples

For the record, I tried to post this blog update on the ipad and failed miserably.  First, I was unable to add the picture and then I couldn't find spell check, but the final straw was when I wasn't able to separate my thoughts with spaces.  So, in conclusion, the ipad is great for many things, blogger is not one of them.

The girls and I flew out of San Francisco on the red eye to Naples last Wednesday night and got here early on Thursday morning.  Abandoning all reason, care for beauty, aging and health, I continue to be a sun-worshipper.  There is just something about the sunshine that is like medicine for me.  Laying waterside, pool or ocean, with a book and a cool drink makes me feel incredibly joyful.  I love watching the girls playing without anywhere to go or anything that has to get done.  I love California, but since moving there our lives have been incredibly hectic.  Between the accelerated demands of private school education, all of the girls' extracurricular activities and their social lives, Jay and I have had very little time for ourselves or each other.  My days have been pretty saturated with the stuff of new surroundings.  Not only settling in, but errands, cleaning, caring for Sidney Holler's failing health and trying to help Groovy James assimilate into his new family.  On top of that, I have my crafts, which I've been trying to make a little time for each day while the girls are at school.  There's a project waiting for me at home, on hold, that I can't wait to return to.

Jay is sitting this vacation out.  His new job is simply too new for him to leave for a week, which I completely understand.  He's begun taking on some real responsibility there and is coming home feeling happy, satisfied and fulfilled by his job with Twitter.  I'm crazily proud of and excited for him.  He's definitely found his place in the world and the culture there suits him.  He's going to be working 12 hour days and will have every Wednesday, Thursday and Friday off, plus he'll have every other Saturday off.  We are really looking forward to this.  Honestly, Jay has worked a lot of 12 hour days in his career, but done it 6 or 7 days a week, instead of 3 or 4.  I have a feeling that every week will feel like a vacation.  I am really looking forward to the summer, when we can take advantage of our days together.  We can choose to be lazy and enjoy our new backyard, or to adventure together as a family.  Speaking of family adventures, on the tail of one huge move there is already talk of another.  It looks as though we may have the opportunity to move internationally with the girls in 2013.  This, of course, is a tough call that I think we should revisit at the end of 2012.  At the moment, I'm exhausted by what feels like constant relocation.  I want my girls to feel normal and for things to be quiet for awhile.  Also, what about our pets?  I do not think that Sidney could survive a flight in cargo, so she'd need to be re-homed. In and of itself, that feels like an impossible obstacle to overcome.  On the other hand, we have always said that if offered the opportunity to live internationally with our children, we'd take it.  My time abroad was certainly more an education than college and I do wish the same for my children.  So, I am going to focus now on making our home in California, keep an open mind and just wait and see what happens next year.

So often, when I'm busy I fall into some unhealthy ruts.  For instance, I drink too much wine and not enough water.   I don't get enough exercise.  I eat the leftover toast off of my children's plates.  These small things really add up and work against me.  I have done a little soul searched over the last few days and have decided to make some changes when I go home.  Truthfully, I feel pretty terrible when I act in unhealthy ways, and when I fall into these types of bad habits things like my weight feel out of my control.  So, I am ready to take control.  

But for now, I'm going to go and slip into my swimsuit and head over to the resort pool (pictured above) with my mom and the girls.  The kids are working out with my mom's trainer today and I'm going to lounge in the sun with a book and let my skin soak in the vitamin d.