Valentines Day

Again, I just haven't been feeling so inspired lately. I haven't been knitting or writing and the only cooking that I've been doing is obligatory.

I had a WONDERFUL Valentines Day though. The day before, our family met another family from the school at the zoo and had a really nice time there. Then, the girls and I made heart shaped rice krispy treats to take to school the following day and prepared the potted succulents that they chose for their teachers. They woke up to Valentines Day breakfast on heart plates and bowls that I bought to surprise them and their valentines were on the table. I sent them off to school with their treats and bundles of valentines. When I got to work there was a beautiful bouquet of flowers waiting for me. Even one of my coworkers gave me chocolates. Then, when I got home I made a heart shaped chicken pot pie and homemade bread. Delicious.

Cat Refuge

Philadelphia has a pretty big stray cat problem. It also gets really cold here with giant build-ups of snow which can be fatal to our feral friends.

This year, I took advantage of my new backyard and built a little cat shelter. I took a big Tupperware container and turned it on its side. Then, I lined the inside with old blankets and towels.

It's been sitting out there all winter and finally it has an occupant. I can hardly withstand my glee. There's a big Tom cat that's taken up residence in my little cat shelter. As soon as I discovered him I began putting food and water out. But today, when I saw him in the backyard I noticed that one of his back legs wasn't working. He wouldn't put it down and was hopping around the yard. I hope that he's okay! I mean, I can't exactly catch him and take him to the vet, so I put a new bowl of food out with a fresh bowl of water and hope that he'll have a safe place to stay tonight.

Feeling Indulgent

I never cease to be amazed by the incredible role that Sidney plays in our family. Her surgery went well and she can come home tomorrow at 4:30. They found two lumps in one of her mammaries and a large cyst in her uterus. Oddly, they think that her body was tricked into a false pregnancy which caused her hormones to go wild and caused the lumps.

Even though we have the cats, our house felt empty when I got home tonight.

I've been a bit of a wreck this past week, which is why I haven't been writing. Nothing terrible happened, I just had a lot of small obstacles and a large case of pms. I'm waiting for the simple lull of boring monotony to send waves of soothing routine over my life. Which brings me to this: I have never been very good at processing stress or unpleasantries. How do people get good at this? Is it just something that you're born with? It's always my tendency to run when the going gets tough. As I get older and more rooted in the life Jay and I have made, my choices become fewer and fewer in the running department. When stress hits I seem to melt into a giant weepy mess. Part of this is the hopeless pressure of being trapped in whatever situation I'm stressed out by. I don't like conflict and I don't like feeling as though I have to deal with things that I do not like. I just want life to be simple and easy. I want to be able to pay my bills. I want my family to be healthy. I want to feel safe. I want to buy presents for my children. I want to have a few good friends who I love and who I know love me back. I want to watch tv shows with my husband and occasionally drink a glass or two of red wine. I want a phone and a remote control that both work when they have new batteries. I want friendly neighbors and a nice backyard. I want to leave work feeling like I did a good job and exceeded the expectations of my superiors. I want to be good to my body. I want to have patience with my children. I want to make nice meals for my husband and sit around and laugh together.

The longer we live in the city the more claustrophobic that I feel. Yet, I'm tired of moving around. When we moved to Philadelphia it all felt very temporary. In our third year of city living I'm pretty sure that it's not for me... but I don't really know where to go. Should we move to a suburb? Should we go back to Jersey? Should we just stay put?

Lately, I've been struggling not to feel overwhelmed and I'm not sure why. Is it just a hormonal month? Am I losing my mind? Am I trying to achieve things that aren't possible? Will I regret my choices?

I miss being entirely present for my children. Of course, I'm not entirely present because I have a job now. But this has less to do with my job and more to do with the fact that they are growing up. Though I LOVE the people who they are becoming more than I could ever express... I love them so much that it brings me to tears when I think about how special they both are... I also feel sadness and wish deeply that their lives wouldn't move so quickly. I'm incredibly proud of every milestone and yet sad that they need me less. At the heart of this is pure selfishness. I enjoyed my time as a stay at home mom because I made a career of it. I worked hard. For any difficult day that saw me pulling my hair out and dying for my husband to get home from work... I wouldn't trade one second of it. And I miss it. Even last year, when Bunny was in Kindergarten and I had alone time with Lila for the first time ever. I long for it. Even though I have always been aware of the fact that I wouldn't homeschool and the day would come when my children would inevitably be gone for most of the day, five days a week... it went too fast and I wasn't prepared. And I AM NOT READY. Why aren't I ready?

Earlier in the year we had so many changes and so much happening. The move. The big loss. The new job. The Holidays. And now it's hit me hard.

Lapse of Time

I haven't blogged all week! This is because I've had a tough week...

We scheduled Sidney's surgery for next Monday. My poor little Sidney.

Also, I have just had a bad week at work.

I'm ready for the weekend to be here.

Picture of The Day

We had such a crazy day yesterday.

The girls didn't have school, I had a doctors appointment AND work and we weren't able to dig our car out of the snow (which turned out to be a blessing because most of the roads we needed to travel hadn't been plowed and had absolutely no parking available.)

After work, I promised Bunny that we'd get her ears pierced. It was snowing again and we decided to walk to the mall anyway. On our way, we cam across these humongous snowmen and we took a few minutes to stop and climb all over them!

Then, Bunny had her big moment! She was petrified but determined to do it. This is the second time that we've gone to have her ears pierced. Last time she sat in the chair and then suddenly changed her mind so we left. She's really been agonizing about it since. Finally, she did it.

I really didn't want to have Bunny's ears pierced with a gun. I have read a lot about it and wanted her to have them pierced with a needle. Unfortunately, it's illegal to take a child that is Bunny's age into a piercing salon in PA, so we were really limited and had to go the gun route. Not even the pediatrician pierces any more. We'll just keep them clean and hope for the best.

She is so happy!!!!

Dare To Dream

Tonight, while laying in bed, Lila said, "Mama. I know what I want to be when I grow up. I want to be the President. Like President Obama."

I then stated all of the obvious reasons that this career suits her so perfectly and gave my support to her pending campaign.

She said, "Because if there was just one piece of pizza and there were two people, I'd just cut it in half and then both of them would have pizza. And I'd say, "everyone can just love each other now. It's okay."

Now THAT'S progress.

Snow Day

We woke up this morning and looked out the window to see this:

Luckily, T switched schedules with me and took my hours for today at BGES. I was able to stay home with B and L and I am so thankful. My car is snowed in and the streets here haven't even been plowed. They are just packed, icy slick surfaces that you'd be better off skiing on.

So, we started the day off with mugs of cocoa.

And then I decided to take advantage of this mid-week break and strip the beds, clean the bathrooms and vacuum our house from top to bottom.

As soon as I was done we bundled up and headed out. It was remarkably warm, which was good and bad. It made playing more fun and shoveling a chore.

Even Sherbert got a taste of the snow!

Now, I'm going to make chocolate cake and homemade cream cheese frosting. YUM.

This is what snow days are all about!